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Sunday, February 23, 2014

Fresh

                    So I dyed and cut my hair today.  Breelyn cut it so its not very even but its whatever I mean it's hair it will grow back, right?  It did take almost 5 years to get it to where it was but hey who's counting.......Well anyways how was your weekend?  Do anything exciting?  I know I didn't.  All I did was sleep all day and then sleep all night and then went to my job and got treated like crap of course but I mean it's McDonald's what do you expect?  I've had a problem connecting with people lately.  Like its taken a real effort just to have a conversation with someone.   I'm finding easier to just text people instead of talk to them which is very unpleasant.  I feel like a zombie, like I'm living but only existing if that makes any sense at all.

                    I've had some pretty dark days lately but I'm making the effort to make them better.  I've felt pretty down and alone and scared but sometimes you have to remind yourself that it'll all be okay.  Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but one day.  Say it enough that one day you'll actually believe it.  Remind yourself things have changed.  It changed for a reason, people change for a reason.  You just have to let go and move on.  It's gonna be hard and you're gonna feel lonely but just hold on.  Because who's to say tomorrow won't be the best day of your life?

With much Love,
Lil Red

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Scared

                              Yes, I am scared.  In constant fear of everything and everyone.  I'm afraid of what I might be or become.  I'm afraid to get to close to people because I don't want to get hurt.  I try to prevent the inevitable.  I try to ice the world out thinking I'm being smart.  Thinking I'll prevent the hurt and the pain of living.  But really I've been sitting on pins and needles.  I've become so self consumed and missed everything beautiful in my life.  I've become pitiful and judgmental and everything I hate.  I hate people who judge other people.  I hate people who feel pity for them selves.  I hate myself.  And that scares me because no self hating person can love anyone else and that is a fact of life.    

                                 I'm afraid of being ordinary or forgotten.  I'm afraid being annoying.  I'm afraid of being viewed as weak.  I'm afraid of becoming weak.  I want to be me.  I want to be fearless.  I don't want to be irrelevant anymore.  I want to be breathtaking and the main attention.  I want to be the first choice and not the second anymore.  I want to be....to be so much more than I am now.  I want to sparkle and have the potential everyone is so sure I have.

                                  I'm done being the nuisance with a sleeping problem.  I'm done being that girl that won't shut up.  I'm just done being that girl.  That hateful self absorbed girl, because I can be so much more than that.

With much love and respect,
Lil Red

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Sorry's and Time

              I am who I say I am.  I'm nobody I'm not.  I won't fake it to your face or behind your back, that's just not my style.  I call it like I see it and I'm not sorry for doing so.  A word to describe me would be unapologetic, and that's just what I am.  I'm not going to apologize for something I mean because that would be a lie.  I'm an unoriginal copy of everything that's wrong with this generation.  I'm not sorry for being who I am, the only thing I'm sorry for is if you're forced to be here.  With me.  In my life unwillingly.  You can debate all day saying "oh but everyone would love to be a part in your life."  But the hard cold truth is not everyone's thrilled to be here, and I'm truly sorry for you.  I have lived long enough to know what I feel and why I feel it.  I have lived long enough to sum my self up.  I have lived long to talk like I know what it is I'm talking about.  

               I'm a lot older than I look.  Well not technically.  My mind acts like it can define the universe in one word.  Like it's lived here for a thousand years.  My body aches and shuts down like I'm closing in on death.  Yet I haven't even really began to live yet.  My spirit feels the end.  Feels as though it's time is up.  As though it is ready, yet not prepared at all.  I am not saying I'm better or smarter than anyone else.  

          "Some people are old at 18 and some are young at 90...time is a concept humans created." 
-Yoko Ono

With much love and respect,
Lil Red

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Top ten take two

So I decided to do another top ten, first one of the year.  Mostley because I have nothing else to write about.....I'm pretty much mind blank right now.

Top ten quotes:

1. "Sorrow leads to sadness but sadness leads to kindness and kindness leads to love." 
-Unknown 

2. "You're a ghost driving a meat coated skeleton made from stardust, what do you have to be scared of?"
-Unknown 

3. "I awoke, only to see that the rest of the world is still asleep."
-Leonardo da Vinci 

4. "Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out."
-Unknown 

5. "Ignorance is bliss but knowledge is pain."
-Unknown 

6. "My pain may be the reason for somebody's laugh.  But my laugh must never be the reason for somebody's pain."
-Charlie Chaplin

7. "Your naked body should only belong to those who fall In love with your naked soul."
-Charlie Chaplin 

8. "You're off to great places!  Today is your day!  Your mountains are waiting, so...get on your way!"
-Dr. Seuss

9. "No matter how you feel.  Get up, dress up, show up, and never give up."
-Unknown 

10. "Falling in love is a crazy thing to do, it's like a socially acceptable form of insanity."
-her 

Hope you like it

With much love,
lol Red