Today

I sit with my head against the cold car door window.  Looking up at the outside world.  The outside world looking down at me.  Bright lights speeding past me.  Restaurants, shops, billboards, churches, hospitals, and people....lots of people.  But that's the thing.  People.  I don't quite get them as well as people think I do.  I don't get how they do all this.  They live everyday as if yesterday never even happend.  Maybe that's my problem.  I'm stuck in yesterday.  I feel like a child let loose in a giant metal playground.  I have to make my own decisions and my own mistakes.  I don't like it.  I just want to curl back up in my shell and never come out......I want to go back when my mom was my best friend and everything she could fix, when she could cushion my blows.  I don't want to be here.  I don't want to be anywhere.  Just....I want to be a child again.  This world is to be and great for me.  I don't think I can take it alone.  But I must.  I'm so sick and tired of people telling me to do the thing I've been doing for years.  But same result every time......silence.

I must move on from this cloud.  This cloud that I made from my emotions and fears.  I need to live today.  I hate when people say "there's always tomorrow". Because there isn't.  Today is all we have.  It's all we will ever have.  We don't know if tomorrow even exist yet.  We don't have yesterday and we don't have tomorrow.  All we have is today.  And today I shall move forward.

With Much Love,

Lil Red