Up All Night

I don't feel like sleeping anymore.  Before I wanted to catch up on my sleep all the time.  Now I'm so far behind I could never catch up.  I'm not good at catching up.  Things happen in my family all the time and I'm always the last to know.  I mean it's not like I don't try, because I really do.  I want to be ahead of the curb instead of behind it.  It's 12:45 at night and all I want to do is type.  Sometimes I think if I sit in front of the computer long enough that something beautiful might poor out.   I want to be this writer, this great writer like Jane Austen or Louisa Alcott.  Someone people remember.  But here I am.  Failing English believe it or not.

I'm such a mess.  And I'm crazy.  A while back I was texting someone.  I was telling him if I didn't keep every thing bottled up he would think I was legit crazy.  But he told me he already knew I was crazy.  It sounds stupid but it meant a lot, because for all I've tried to hide my crazy side, it's still there.  And some one saw it, and accepted it. Accepted me.  Not the girl with all her curtains drawn, but the girl setting fire to them.

Now I have to keep writing because I'm wide awake.  The other day I found this quote I really liked.  It said "The what if's & should have's will eat your brain."-John O'Callaghan.  I really liked this quote because of it's relativity.

Time update, it's 1:12 Am.  I used to think no one was up this late.  I used to think 6 am was early.  But now I know that there is no early and there is no late.  Humans develop habits of sleeping.  We sleep at night because that's what our ancestors did.  Because it was dark and you couldn't work in the dark.  We never lost that habit.  People sleep when they want, not because the sun has switched places with the moon.  Not because it's dark outside.   But because our bodies say so.  I think it would be marvelous to sleep during the day and be busy at night.

I love certain sounds.  I love the sound of horses walking.  I love the sound of coffee brewing.  I like the sound a singer makes when their voice catches and they're really close to the mike.  I like the sound of matches when they first catch flame.  I like the sound a record makes when the tracks done.  I like the sound keyboards make when you type.  Random I know but it's what I like.

Well its 1:54 and I think for the sack of my well being I should catch a few hours of sleep.

With Much Love,
Lil Red