Young and Dumb

I snap the top of the lighter with my thumb.  An orange flame escapes from this little plastic tube.  I put the cigarette to my mouth followed by the flame.  I inhale and smoke coats my lungs like silk.  This is what it is to be young and dumb I think.  I exhale and smoke arises mixed with steam due to the cold.  There’s a cut on my thumb and I stare at it for a moment.  It’s a dark red scab now but what’s truly befalling is that I have no idea how it got there.  This is how my life goes.  Bruises and bumps just appear on my body and I have no idea how they get there.  I’m about 50% clumsiness, 40% forgetfulness and 10% of an attempt at a personality.  I pick up my satchel and throw the strap over my head.  I float back to the school parking lot where I can see all the parked cars.  I start naming who’s who.  I stop at the top of the parking lot.  I look down at my boots.  Scuffed and to worn out considering I just got them.  I look back at the school.  I could get caught I tell myself.  But I ignore this statement by taking in another puff of my cig and continue to slowly kill my lungs.  I know as soon as I enter that school again I will be judged, criticized, and talked bad about.  Teachers will tell me I don’t try hard enough and students will scoff.  I don’t care.  Caring to much is the problem.  Caring to much is their problem.  I take one last puff of my cig before rolling out the ash.  I watch the little light slowly go out.  The though returns to me as I reenter the school building.  This is what it is to be young and dumb.




(Old writing but still one of my favorite pieces.)