Night Owl

Late night writings are the best hands down.

When you are most at your most vulnerable.

When your walls are down.

The masks are off.

You can see who you really are.

I've embraced my night owl and turned it into my full time personality.

I hate barriers.

I despise the falseness that is modern day society.

When did being yourself turn into something that should be feared?

Locked away?

Hidden from the world.

When I was younger I loved to climb trees and read and eat apples like a horse.

Then I turned thirteen and those things weren't cool.

Climbing trees was for boys and toddlers.

Reading was for losers.

Eating too many apples makes you annoying and fat.

I would talk about what I would do if I could go back but lets move forward.

I read fiction books about romance and magic because I'm the biggest loser you've ever met.
I climb trees because I am a teenage boy.

And to this day apples are still my favorite meal.

(Like I can eat four in under a minute I'm literally insane.)

Why is is that we linger in the idea that its okay for others to tell us how we should act and who we should be?

How we should talk.

How we should love.

Who we should love.

What we should wear.

Never forget you are your own person so screw anyone who tells you anything otherwise.

Embrace your inner night owl.

Build bridges not walls.

Young and Dumb

I snap the top of the lighter with my thumb.  An orange flame escapes from this little plastic tube.  I put the cigarette to my mouth followed by the flame.  I inhale and smoke coats my lungs like silk.  This is what it is to be young and dumb I think.  I exhale and smoke arises mixed with steam due to the cold.  There’s a cut on my thumb and I stare at it for a moment.  It’s a dark red scab now but what’s truly befalling is that I have no idea how it got there.  This is how my life goes.  Bruises and bumps just appear on my body and I have no idea how they get there.  I’m about 50% clumsiness, 40% forgetfulness and 10% of an attempt at a personality.  I pick up my satchel and throw the strap over my head.  I float back to the school parking lot where I can see all the parked cars.  I start naming who’s who.  I stop at the top of the parking lot.  I look down at my boots.  Scuffed and to worn out considering I just got them.  I look back at the school.  I could get caught I tell myself.  But I ignore this statement by taking in another puff of my cig and continue to slowly kill my lungs.  I know as soon as I enter that school again I will be judged, criticized, and talked bad about.  Teachers will tell me I don’t try hard enough and students will scoff.  I don’t care.  Caring to much is the problem.  Caring to much is their problem.  I take one last puff of my cig before rolling out the ash.  I watch the little light slowly go out.  The though returns to me as I reenter the school building.  This is what it is to be young and dumb.




(Old writing but still one of my favorite pieces.) 

Long time no see

I think that time off is healthy.  I haven't written in months and I know I know I suck.  The last time I wrote something it was about how I felt empty.  I was at one of the lowest points in my life and I had given up on almost everything.  I just figured I'd spare you guys the sap story that is my life.  

Anyway.

Happy thoughts.

.

.

.

I graduated so that's fun right.  Actually I'm kinda bummed.  All my friends were teachers which is lame I realize that but I've never been good at connecting with the youth my age.   I'm better at talking politics and budget cuts then I am talking about Instagram and who is dating who.  I spent thirteen years of my life going to school and now I'm done.  I feel weird.  Like its not real and I'm going to wake up any second now and its going to be freshman year all over again.  Gah to be fifteen again.  To know what I know now.  I'd tell myself to study harder.  I'd tell myself to not take stupid stuff to heart.  I'd tell my self not to fall in love with impossible men......I'd beat that one into my head pretty well.  How long I spent thinking and dreaming about things that wouldn't even matter to me now.  How stupid and innocent I was.

Onto bigger and better things they say.

Bigger 

&

Better

things

I mean what is the point of graduating school to just go to more school?

What the hell is that about?

I mean the only difference is now they get to charge you for it.

I mean I plan on conforming but it just doesn't seem okay to be bluntly honest.

I'm going to spend the next four years of my life going to more school to graduate from more school and then finally begin my career which is going to be me.  Teaching students at guess where?  School.  Full circle.  Aesthetically pleasing.

Well from now on I plan on being honest.  I plan on being me and not the version I know all the church goers on Facebook expect me to be.  Guess what guys?

The real Hanna Mckae Thompson swears.

The real Hanna Mckae Thompson isn't religious.

She isn't fake anymore and shes not the least bit sorry.

If you don't like swearing then that's okay read no further.

If you don't like people that aren't religious then sucks to suck.

I'm done pretending to be some one I'm just not anymore.

If that bothers you then I really don't care but feel free to unfollow me.

This isn't meant to be the least bit hateful I'm just being honest for the first time in my entire life and damn 

does

 it

 feel

 good.

So

I guess I'm free to speak freely now.

 It's funny though because I've run out of things to say.

Empty

                When bad things happen to me I don’t blame the person who did them to me nor do I hold it against them.  I wonder what I did wrong.  How I let myself let anywhere near me.  Why I was so weak or why I was so stupid.  I didn’t have a horrible childhood.  I don’t have a drug addiction.  And I don’t have some disease that no one knows about.  Yet all my life I feel as though I’ve been hiding.  Hiding from something I do not know.   I keep myself guarded not just to keep them from hurting me but to keep me from hurting them as well.  If they get too close they will see how empty I am and that is why I hurt them.  I turn the other cheek.  I pretend as though they do not exist.  What’s really crazy is I still have this illusion that one day I will find someone who loves me.  You can’t love a black hole that doesn’t let anyone near it and that is the stone cold truth.  I was born with this emptiness.  It was neither forged nor stolen.  Simply born with the rest of me.  I don’t feel the same things others feel.  Jokes they think are funny I find meaningless.  Things that make others cry I don’t even blink at.  I guess you could say that makes me crazy or a psychopath but it’s not like I don’t have emotions.  I have the ability to laugh and to cry.  I just don’t do it genuinely all that often.  I think all things through logically before they even happen.  I think every scenario out that could ever possibly happen.  I am never surprised.  I think that has led to my doubt in many things like religion and friends and the existence of love.  If you expect something to happen nothing will happen.  It’s a science like watching a flower or a plant grow.  Watching it grow everyday it will seem to grow at a very slow rate or not at all as if watching it makes it not happen.  In my opinion it’s the same thing with thoughts and miracles.  If you think it will happen it won’t.  It’s a science fact as far as I am concerned.

  Sorry to disappoint.