Sorry/Poetry night take two

Okay, first of all I'm sorry. I've been so beyond overwelmed and not in a good place lately so I fell off the face of the earth and didn't blog at all.  Once again I'm sorry.  I've been dealing with some deep stuff lately and battling what I believe to be some form of depression.  But I'm getting better and focusing on the good not the bad.  In the process of getting better I've had to cut things out.  One being god and I know I'll get a lot of hate for this but ever since I stopped praying, stopped worrying about being judged at church stopped hating myself because I was judged and stopped thinking I'm not worthy it's like a giant weight has been lifted off of me.  And once again I know I'll get hate but I want to get one thing clear.  I'm not living some godless life and I'm not dropping my standards.  I'm stepping back and focusing on the people who have been there for me through thick and thin. The people who raised me and didn't judge me when I needed them most.  I want to send a message and my message is this.  You never kick a down dog.

So now that that's off my chest I want to assure everyone who got this far and don't think I'm crazy or possessed that I'm recovering and am no longer as depressed as I was.  I will return to blogging and I thought I would start off with some poems that I wrote.  They're a bit sappy and depressing but these were from my recent depresstion phase when I went through a serious awakening so bare with me if you will. 

Waiting 

I'll be there when she isn't 

I'll carry you when she drops you

I'll love you when she leaves you

I'll praise you when she forgets you 

I'll be there for better or for worse

So Just remember that next time you say you love her 

Next time you run after her

Next time you choose her over me

Remember I'm still here and I will always be here 

Waiting 

Life or death

You walk away

Bam!

I am dead 

I know it

My heart has given up 

I hit the floor 

Slowly 

I realize 

I am still alive 

But my heart is gone 

Dead and gone 

I feel cold

I grab a knife

Is this life worth living 

without being able to love?

Living proof

Yes it is true 

I am still in love with you 

My body aches for you

My thoughts linger back to you

My heart beats for you

But all with false hope

Because me and you both know

We simply cannot be

I am living proof 

That you can be alive but still have died deep inside

Okay sorry if I've ruined your day and mad you sad and gloomy.  I just want everyone to know that I'm back and I'm here to stay. 

Loves,

Lil Red