Monday, November 21, 2016

I still love you...but that's okay.

Disclaimer: I'm writing about a man I wasted too much of my life on. I've written about him before but I'm hoping this is the last time. Getting him out of my system feels good.

To be completely honest, I am still in love with you.
I'll probably still be in love with you till the day I die.
You left a mark on my soul and good or bad it will always be there.

I will love others I will move on.

I will still love you.
I will meet other people I will go places.

I will still love you.

You never asked for me to love you and no one made me.
Loving you was never a choice. It was an unmistakable accident. I let my guard down and before I knew what happened there you were chipping away at my heart. I will always love you because there will always be a string tied to my heart that leads to yours.

Loving you was never a choice. Leaving you was. Leaving the place we both existed together was. Loving you made me crazy and to this day it still does. Loving you was painful and I still have the scars to prove it. Loving you was anything but enjoyable. It was dark and twisted and led me down a road I didn't know I could leave.
Leaving you was worse.
For days I thought you would show up to my door and tell me you loved me too. I knew it was a fantasy but it was my fantasy. It was what got me through the day.

I had to step by step erase you from me.
Erase the way you made me laugh like no one else.
Erase the way you made me smile a mile wide.
Erase the way you made my heart soar.
Erase the way you annoyed me in a way no one else could.
I had to erase the idea that we had a future together.
So yes I love you. As much as I did in the beginning and as much as I will in the end.
I love your laugh.
I love your voice.
I love your walk.
I love your wit and your spunk.
But I am able to live now.
I am finally able to be happy without you.
I'm finally able to breathe again.

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