Best Qualities

I like when he remembers things.  Little things.  Things I didn't realize he even heard or paid attention to.  He’ll mention things like my family or friends that I talked about nearly a month ago.  He’ll say things like “Don’t you Hate nuts?”, “You want to be a bio teacher right?” or something along the lines of “You wouldn't do that, that’s against your views.”  He pretends he doesn't listen.  He makes it a point to say he doesn't listen.  But I know he does.  His favorite thing to do is write my name like “Hannah.” When he knows I hate it.  He says “I forgot” but I say “No you just like when I get angry and you do it on purpose.”  He just smiles.  I would kill to keep that smile on his face forever.  Not his time to take a picture smile, Time to fake it smile, but his I am generally happy smile.  That smile touches my heart in a certain type of way.  He’s so funny too really he is without even knowing it.  He makes funny faces at things and climbs on things.  At times he acts like a child and I like that about him as well because he’s just so oblivious to the world that he doesn't care.  A part of me wants to take care of that innocence he has.  Listening though that is what I love most about him.  He talks I listen.  I talk He pretends not to listen.  It’s a balance.  It’s beautiful. 

Communication

I can feel him looking at me.  I see him out of my pareferal.  My movements slow so I can perfect them.  This is how we communicate.  Subtle glances and faint smiles.  We are sarcastic soulmates I think to myself.  It all means something.  Something means everything.  An hour ago I asked him if I was mean as I gave him a Hershey kiss.  He smiled and said ''yes'' I smiled back knowing what I know.  Taking in his dry and awkward compliment.  This is how we communicate.  We talk through our eyes and insults.  Neither fully penetrating nor causing harm.  He looks at me again, I look back he looks away.  He is not beautiful yet he has grown beautiful in my eyes.  His wit and charm match mine like a glove.  I smile while writing this because for a third time he has begun to stare.  Yet melencoly quickly overtakes me at the same pace the truth does.  This is how we communicate and this is all it will ever be.

Mix tapes and Pudding

                So I don’t know about you but I had a pretty interesting yet normal day today.   I woke up at 8:30 to an empty house as one does when all the adults have jobs and the other kids are at our dads.  I cleaned the kitchen so my mom would be surprised when she got home.  After I finished cleaning I made myself hot cocoa and Hershey’s pudding (all for myself of course).  Then I watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s for about the billionth time.  After that I watched every science video on YouTube I could find (because I’m a science nerd naturally).  When my sweet mother arrived home she gave me praises for cleaning the kitchen without being told to.  About an hour after she arrived home I started making a mix tape.  I know what you’re thinking “A mix tape?  What year is it again?  1989?”  For everyone’s information I am the proud owner of two cassette players.   And my mix tape which is now finished has songs from every era since the 1960’s.  And yes I am that girl that thinks she was born in the wrong generation. 

I am completely convinced that every good song has already been written.  I only ever hear repeats of the same beats and lyrics now a days that it’s almost pathetic.  There is no originality left for the future because it was all used up in the past.  But that’s just my two cents. *Wink*

With Much

Love,

Lil Red

♥

Free as the Wind

Have you ever read the yellow wallpaper?  If you haven’t I definitely recommend it.  It’s about a woman who is mentally ill and her husband (who is a physician) thinks he can cure her by isolating her with only her thoughts and this ugly yellow wall paper.   The isolation slowly drives her insane and she believes there is a woman in the wall paper and in the end she becomes the woman in the wallpaper.

I think that’s like me.  This town is my yellow wallpaper and I’m trapped in it.  People think I’ll get over it.  But I’m like the wind in a box.  I have to move.  I have to feel.   I have to feel everything.  I want to climb mountains in Switzerland and drive across every state in America.  I want to write a book about the wind as a human.  Like a spirit trapped in a body.  Like something unattainable made attainable.

The wind and me are connected.  I remember when I was little and I would think about running away and the wind would blow back to home almost telling me not to.  It always points me in the right direction and I think it’s almost time for me to finally leave and be free like the wind.

With much 

Love,

Lil Red

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